Saturday, March 6

Celebrating Women (7)

Single ladies in the house Yeh!Yeh!Yeh

Women regularly make the mistake of picking the wrong guy as a life partners and subsequently they grow apart and eventually the whole sham of a marriage ends in divorce.

Why do ladies regularly pick the wrong men? some reasons are enumerated below.


1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.A classic mistake many females make.

"You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!"

What you should look out for;

  1. Strength of character
  2. Habits
  3. Communication skills
  4. His Friends
  5. His Goals in Life
  6. Innate Goodness/Kindness
  7. Spirituality
  8. How he treats his Mother
  9. Joy in his life
  10. Intellect


2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than their character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but continuous fanning [Love, Tolerance, Appreciation and Wisdom] will keep the flames alive

There are three basic ways we connect with another person wholesomely;

  1. Chemistry with emotional connection
  2. Common interests and goals
  3. Mutual Respect and Admiration


3. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? I am I being me or acting out a role
  2. Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Not walk on eggshells around him so as not to set him off
  3. Does this person make me feel good about myself? Not a Control freak.

4. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table.

Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion.

  1. Talk about how you feel when he upsets you
  2. Talks about things he does that you don’t like
  3. Talk! Talk! and Talk till you are blue in the face.

It is better to trash things out before marriage than bottle everything up and then explode during the marriage which may have dire consequences

Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment


5. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too.

Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.
If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single.

You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.


6. You pick the wrong person because you jump in bed too quickly.

This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual relations between 2 people are at times mistaken for love and tends to cloud one's judgement  Bad judgement results in negative impacting results.

In a relationship they are more important things that should be considered before you embark on sexual relations [Some may choose to wait until marriage].

Things to look out for are;

  1. Intellectual Compatibility
  2. Emotional Compatibility
  3. Spiritual Compatibility

You don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.

7.You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most.

Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it.

Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them.

The unique needs of a woman is to be;

  1. Loved
  2. Appreciated

When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen.

8. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone for something else while trying to develop another relationship.

A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation.

People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as ;

  1. Work
  2. Drugs
  3. Internet
  4. Hobbies
  5. Sports
  6. Money

Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage.


With divorce rates the world over sky rocketing, be careful as you choose a life partner so that you too do not become a “statistic”.


Please share this with your friends.

Kindly leave your opinions  or experiences in the comments!



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